Skip to main content

To Grandma's House

Previous Chapter  

Robin, chapter 3

Robin had sold her entire load of vegetables before lunch. After winning an impromptu cudgel bout (and a number of bets upon it), she was returning by her usual route [carrying her sword, staff, bow, and quiver of arrows, and a small purse with the day's earnings] when she spotted Sheriff Wulf ambling through the woods.

ROBIN-- [after tucking away her purse] Ho, Sheriff! Whither goest thou so merrily a this fine day?

SHERIFF-- [uncomprehending] What?

ROBIN-- Where are you headed?

SHERIFF-- [stiffening] And what business is that of yours, little girl?

ROBIN-- Oh, the forest wends and winds. We wouldn't want you to get lost.

SHERIFF-- [checking his compass] And who are you to care if I lose my way?

ROBIN-- Just as you say, only a little girl.

SHERIFF-- [pointing] And why would someone like you carry weapons like those?

ROBIN-- Do you always start sentences with conjunctions?

SHERIFF-- And--no. What are you doing with that staff?

Harold was famous for collecting (and inventing) taxes on the spot, so instead of telling him of her business, Robin came up with a better answer.

ROBIN-- Bears don't like being thwacked on the nose by staves.

SHERIFF-- [looking around a bit] There are bears here?

ROBIN-- Yes, and they run when I hit them.

SHERIFF-- [rubbing his beard] So you have a staff. Why a sword, too?

ROBIN-- Thieves, who only carry little knives and daggers, are naturally scared of a long sword.

SHERIFF-- [unhappy at the thought] Thieves, as well? But why do you have that bow, and those arrows?

ROBIN-- Target practice, of course.

SHERIFF-- For...?

ROBIN-- The sport of it!

SHERIFF-- The sport of poaching, more like! [reaches for Robin, but she ducks away]

ROBIN-- [dodging and evading while mocking clumsiness as the sheriff continues to attempt her capture] Careful, Sheriff. These paths are littered with rocks and roots to trip upon. Though I stumble, I can always regain my feat. Someone of your stature [poking his belly as she pretends to fall about] might not find it so easy, and, falling, might have trouble getting up. [with some help from Robin's staff, this is exactly what happens]

SHERIFF-- [slowly coming to a sitting position and catching his breath with Robin standing over him smiling sweetly] Well. I suppose I could overlook your misdeeds this once [pausing both to breathe and to produce his notice of eviction] if you can help me find this place.

ROBIN-- [recognizing her address] I know how to get there as easily as to my own home. There's a fork up ahead. Just stay to the left, and never go right. You'll get where you're going.

SHERIFF-- [standing up] Thanks. [dusting himself off] Now skeedadle, and don't let me see you carrying a bow in Sherman's Forest again.

So Harold Wulf blithely took the leftmost path, and Robin ran happily to the right. Though both lead to Robin's house, the right was a short and pleasant route, while the left passed over cliffs and streams, through a thieves' camp, and very near a mother bear's den. It was late evening before a tattered, penniless Sheriff Harold Wulf appeared at Robin's doorstep, cursing his luck and helpful, redheaded girls the world over.
Next Chapter
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

An introduction to a book that doesn't exist:

Prose and verse are generally accepted as distinct writing formats with their own rules, styles, and grammars.  Though their borders are somewhat vague, they have come to be seen as something of a dichotomy in the eyes of the general public.  There are, however, at least 3 other popular approaches to writing as exhibited in picture-books, comicbooks, and plays.  Though sometimes given short shrift, these styles are accepted as literature.  They are included in libraries, book stores, and academic study.  Most importantly, they are read. In the general case, there is clearly writing being done in the creation of any one of these.  But what of the wordless comic or silent play?  Should we consider scripts written, but fully realized plays, comics, and picture-books, to be performance, art, or some other kind of non-literature?  These worries of theory are kinks to be worked out, surely, but they are not of immediate practical concern to the writer...
12 comments
Read more

Magical Unrealism

The same men who say global warming is a hoax, Obamacare has been failing for eight years, and abstinence-only sex-ed works are also convinced even basic gun control is an impossible and useless approach which would only make us less safe. These are also the dudes most likely to tell you black and brown folk have it too good, Obama is a secret Muslim born in Kenya, and Sharia law is being forced on American legal systems. I wonder if there's some sort of overarching thread or theme to all this.
2 comments
Read more

Miike Takashi's Sukiyaki Western Django

I am a big fan of prolific Japanese director, Miike Takashi. His movies are not always good (which would be an accomplishment, considering he averages about three feature length films a year), but he doesn't mind experimenting or playing around. Not everything he tries works, but when it does, it can be pretty damn awesome. His subjects and genres vary wildly from a musical about a family running an inn, to a kid fighting goblins, to some of the best yakuza flicks I've seen. Meanwhile, he tends to get good performances from his actors, even when they are children or non-native Japanese speakers. The only time I've been completely disappointed with one of his pieces was a rejected instalment in Showtime's Masters of Horror , entitled 'Imprint'. The story was stupid, and the acting was bad. This was Miike's first all English production, and it showed. So, when I found out one of his 2007 films, Sukiyaki Western Django was in English, I was a bit put off. How ...
2 comments
Read more