Pointless Man

There would be no zombie apocalypse. One of many reasons I want smart zombies, or no zombies at all. Please, and thank you.

Call it a compulsion. There was a time when I would have read any and every comic I could get my hands on. I've gotten better, and far pickier. Nevertheless, after coming across a cache of the much hyped Walking Dead books, I thought I'd give them a chance, despite the art, writing, and layouts all seeming boring. About four issues in, I began to wonder why I was doing this to myself. Eventually, it felt like punishment for some unnamed misdeed. Thirty-seven(!) issues in, I believe I can say The Walking Dead showcases the reasons there has been so little interest in comicbooks (as opposed to comic strips) in the American public. The series offers up everything that is wrong with so-called mainstream comics--the real mainstream being either the aforementioned strips, or else manga, both of which are more popular and widely read than adventure books published by Marvel, DC, Image, or so forth. I suppose this also explains its appeal to many comics readers, many of whom seem t...

Citizens, hear me out. This could happen to you: Trying to come up with a title for this post, I was looking up the lyrics for the Kingston Trio's rendition of 'Zombie Jamboree' (from which this post's title was culled). The first link Google came up with said it had what I needed, so I clicked on it, and started reading. Sure enough, the page itself said it offered the lyrics for the relevant song, as follows. "Cause he gets up in the morning, / And he goes to work at nine, / And he comes back home at five-thirty, / Gets the same train every time. / 'Cause his world is built 'round punctuality, / It never fails." As I read, I had the growing fear that someone had confused a Kinks song about a young bourgeois Brit for an American ditty about a zombie dance-party . By the end of the stanza, I was convinced. I understand the Davies brothers can seem be creepy, but really. Ah, the Internet age, an era with misinformation ever at your fingertips. To make...

I have suggested before that someone should make a medieval zombie flick in technicolour, and set it in Spain to acheive a look similar to Sergio Leone's westerns or Eastwood's Joe Kidd . Let me now add, the zombies shouldn't go about creating more living dead. Instead, they should just devour things, right down to the bone. And they shouldn't just focus on people. Why let other animals have a free pass? What kind of hungry beast passes up a docile cow to go chasing after armed humans? A friend has expressed some concern that the movie would be in the vernacular or accents of the time. Let me reassure you, we would not take this route. Perhaps the movie would be in a foreign language, and I suppose we'd have to have a priest shouting out Latin somewhere in there, but I don't see any reason to go too far out of the way for realism when you're dealing with the supernatural. As to tone, I'd want something old school; something in tune with The Seventh ...

And use it in a zombie movie. Set in Spain. During the dark ages. But somebody should have a gun. And the flick should just be one long series of Kurosawa and Leone nods, except with zombies. Zombies.