Pointless Man

Man who is tired of living, but unwilling or unable to kill himself is brutally murdered by ass-hats. A raven revives him. He spends more time trying to catch the bird and kill it than he does inadvertently doing away with his murderers. In taking out some of these goons, he earns the enmity of several gangs who, unfortunately, cannot kill him. Addendum: The bird should be a pigeon, as opposed to a raven.

...for comicbook villains. After all, who deserves it more? - Doc Oc , in a retirement home, drives those around him nuts. Inevitably, he regains his tentacles, and breaks a hip. Convalescing, he continues to annoy those around him. - The Joker , declaring, "It's just not worth it, anymore," goes straight (but remains unhinged) and realizes his dream of being in showbiz, as a radio DJ and late-night host. Batman doesn't believe it, and wastes an hour every night watching Joker's show, refusing to admit he likes it. - Bullseye careens into a self destructive pattern that finally does him in. Everyone he's ever worked for or against tries in some way or another to talk him out of it, to no avail. Deadpool offers to make it quick and kill Bullseye himself, but is turned down. The man who can turn anything into a weapon is eventually slain by some no name punk in a foreign country, where no one knows him. - Luthor , dying an inadvertent death, has his li...

Many people decry Hollywood for its lack of originality, what with all the sequels, rehashed plots, adaptations, and remakes. I understand this critique. I feel its draw. But, when I think about it, I'm not against those things. Riffing on a theme is the basis for a lot of great art, including some movies. If we couldn't appreciate taking the same pieces through different moves (or different pieces through the same moves), we'd never retell our own stories, never play the same boardgame twice, and hate all music not based on random note choices. I'd like to say I am simply against bad movies, but this is not entirely true. I can have fun with bad movies. Hell, I've seen They Live and Class of 1999 at least a dozen times each; Blade 2 is one of my favourite films; and while I didn't like Mission Impossible 2 , I did like making fun of it. What's more, even less than enjoyable material can offer us something, when it points to better works. I never woul...

It is a wonder someone hasn't made Bad Dudes into a flick. I mean, really, can you get a better action premise than street thugs trying to save the President from the ninjas who kidnapped him? I don't think so.

CHARACTER NOTES [to be supplemented with illustrations] Outlaw -- scofflaw type Mass Murder Guy - Drifted in from who knows where? Disowned by his own cousin; drinks buttermilk; never had a dog; thinks only of himself. The Beatdown Squad -- detectives Slim - Won top honors at the donut academy; voted most valuable and most likely by his classmates; rarely speaks, but likes to hang out. Beditchki - Tough, resilient; the kind of guy you want on your dodgeball team; former bouncer and high school dance chaparone; impulsive. Best friend: Turk. Turk - AKA Red, AKA The Greek. Second Degree Black Belt in Pud Sze Mu. Last book read: The Hobbit. Favorite Singer: Cher, in her Sonny and Cher days. Drinks Absolut Vodka. Best friend: Beditchki. Truefaux - A Frenchman, but do not cross him. Plays charades and backgammon. Immaculate dresser. Has a bald spot no one mentions. Bill - An ordingary guy who likes to hurt people when he fights. Has three cats. Home town: Grover's Corners...

I have suggested before that someone should make a medieval zombie flick in technicolour, and set it in Spain to acheive a look similar to Sergio Leone's westerns or Eastwood's Joe Kidd . Let me now add, the zombies shouldn't go about creating more living dead. Instead, they should just devour things, right down to the bone. And they shouldn't just focus on people. Why let other animals have a free pass? What kind of hungry beast passes up a docile cow to go chasing after armed humans? A friend has expressed some concern that the movie would be in the vernacular or accents of the time. Let me reassure you, we would not take this route. Perhaps the movie would be in a foreign language, and I suppose we'd have to have a priest shouting out Latin somewhere in there, but I don't see any reason to go too far out of the way for realism when you're dealing with the supernatural. As to tone, I'd want something old school; something in tune with The Seventh ...

And use it in a zombie movie. Set in Spain. During the dark ages. But somebody should have a gun. And the flick should just be one long series of Kurosawa and Leone nods, except with zombies. Zombies.