Not unlike Morrissey's affinity for Joan of Arc

The other day, I was reading some misguided blathering from a young freelancer about why moustaches are staging a mostly ironic comeback. She concluded the trend (including jewelry and stickers) wasn't jocular at all, and had almost nothing to do with style, but was instead an expression of a longing for things to slow down and regain shades of 'simpler times'. No, there wasn't really an argument, not as such. Nor was there much humour, as such. I do not believe the absence of either to have been intentional. Out of a sense of charity to the author, I shall assume this was an exercise in seeing whether or not highschool journal entries, written after a bowl or three, are acceptable as paid opinion pieces in today's dying newspaper industry.

Before coming up with a poor excuse for someone submitting nonsense like this to the only daily newspaper in a major metropolitan area without dying of shame, I remember thinking, "This is all wrong," a sentiment I still cling to. "Historically, facial hair has come and gone, through all kinds of trends, going back to Alexander forcing his men to shave before battle--even though this would make them look like little boys." In that moment, having recently and involuntarily destroyed my goatee, I felt a deep empathy for Alexander's army.  It was almost like we were in the same position, only I was too fat and too young to fight ancient Greeks.

--By way of explaining the title, here is a song.--